Does James Bay Deserve a Motto or Moniker?

 

In the wide wide world of pleasant places to live, it’s nice to say that one lives in a not-your-average neck of the woods neighborhood.

Frankly, while we’re on the subject of denizens and dwellings, have you ever wondered who would be happy to hunker down in a ho-hum habitat somewhere? Who would jump for joy at the thought of living in a non-descript nook or a nonchalant niche no one’s ever heard of? And, who would admit to being merry about the idea of residing in a monotonous milquetoast metropolis anyway?

When it comes down to it, how would you describe James Bay? Is it the quintessential quirky, quixotic, and querlous quarter of the city? Or, is it a nomadic, nonconformist and sometimes nutty neighborhood with a petulant pugnacious personality all its own? If neither description fits the bill, then what makes this place and the people here tick?

So, if James Bay had a slogan, a tagline, or a motto/moniker…what might it be?

Well, to answer that question one might ask:

1) What are the attributes of the place? Do they express a particular character, affinity, style or personality of the people who live there?

2) What’s the message one might wish to convey about the place to total strangers? Do the words tell a story in a clever, fun, and memorable way?

3) What distinguishes or differentiates the place from somewhere else? Are the facts or features cited unique or orginal to that place?

4) Are the words used like an ambassador for the place? Would they inspire someone to visit there, live there, or learn more about the place?

Selecting just the right phrase can be a challenge, as can be seen from the following colorful catchphrases adopted by towns with some amusing if not unique attributes:

Austin, Texas – Keep Austin Weird. (Frankly, do they really want to admit they have a large population inhabiting "funny farms", or do they just want to attract all the weirdos, whackos, and wingnuts walking the streets of America looking for a peculiar place to plop down and call their own?)

Blaine, Missourri – The Stool Capital of the World. (This obviously begs the question, do residents there have a passion for discussing fecal matters, adore four-legged furniture without a back, or are they simply friendly-folk willing to join any group for the purpose of reporting back, to the authorities, on its activities?)

Bushnell, South Dakota – It’s Not The End of The Earth, But You Can See It From Here. (Oh joy, that’s probably great news for members of the Flat Earth Society, the Association of Resolute Pessimists, and the Grand Cabal of Able-Bodied Sedentarians but, bad news for the Grand Guardians of the Mystic Cesspool at the end of the Earth, a perfectly placid place that few have ever chosen to visit).

Cordova, Alaska – The Clam Town. (Does that mean everyone hides under a shell and clams up, when heaven forbid, those trinket-seeking tourists drop by?)

Gas, Kansas – Don’t Pass Gas, Stop and Enjoy It. (Does this mean that visitors who accidentally release a flam, a freep, a flutterblast, or a fundusbreak are likely to be arrested? Or, does it mean that the town welcomes frequent farteurs provided they share their fetid fragrances be they colorful calicoes, marvellous mommadaddies and mud-ducks, putrid paradiddles, ripsnorting ruffs, super-duper sliders, sound-barrier breaking skillsaws or other wickedly wayward winds with others?)

Gun Barrell City, Texas – We Shoot Straight With You. (Aren’t you relieved; they could have chosen "We Shoot From The Hip And Ask Questions Later", "If You Want To Shoot Yourself in the Foot, Go Somewhere Else And Do It!", or  "We Don’t Shoot Bull & We Don’t Shoot The Breeze, Now Go Away!"

Hooker, Oklahoma – It’s a location, not a vocation. (It just goes to show that a tiny town with an entertaining euphemism can still have a great sense of humor. It’s also home to the garden club known as the "Happy Hookers", and a spunky sports team with a terrific tagline "Support Your Local Hookers!". Where else would you hear people say with pride, "All my friends are Hookers"?

"Kiester, Minnesota – The Hind End of Minnesota. (Well now, if you’re looking for a politically-correct place with a postive perspective on posteriors, a dazzling array of delightful derrieres or breathtaking buxum buttocks, then this town might tickle you pink. A word of advice however, refrain from fondling fannies, pinching posteriors or touching tooshies unless you want to land on your hindquarters in a horrible hoosgow.)

Noxubee County, Mississippi – Home of the Dancing Rabbit Festival and Magnolia Pilgrimage. (Hmmm…that might warm the cockles of one’s heart, provided of course that one digs flower power and adores footwork by some very funny bunnies.)

New York City, New York – The City That Never Sleeps. (This is a probably a great relief to those who are allergic to alarm clocks and snooze buttons and possibly an important fact to know if you’re an insomniac looking for a welcome wagon serving chocolate-iced low-carb donuts with sprinkles on top, and a hot cup of organic, fair-trade coffee with low-fat whipped cream plus a package of natural cane sugar at 3:00 a.m.)

Roswell, New Mexico – The Aliens Aren’t the Only Reason to Visit. (What a wonderfully warm welcome to parents with kids who are no doubt a tad nervous having read the other huge highway warning signs reading, "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car."

San Andreas, California – It’s Not Our Fault. (Well, the good news is that they didn’t tag the town with the slogan "Fault-Finders Welcome!", "We’re Generous To A Fault", or last but not least, "The Happy Home of No-Fault Insurance & No-Fault Divorce".)

Wairoa, New Zealand – The Way New Zealand Used To Be. (One might wonder if that means the place is wee, off-the-beaten track, economically depressed and full of sheep, or more importantly is it inhabited by bunch of bah bah humbuggers or other if not equally blessedly boring folk?)

Walla Walla, Washington – The City Was So Nice They Named It Twice. (Some might deduce that the contents of the average cerebellum found there leaves a lot to be desired, while others might infer that this is the home of "poetic license" where one can legally drive others crazy, (assuming one has an appetite for alliteration).

So, put on your thinking hats or your dunce caps, whichever you prefer, and do let us know your suggestions for a colorful catchphrase, marvellous moniker or titillating tagline for James Bay, Victoria’s oldest neighborhood.