Funny Food For Thought

Image Credit: Anne Taintor

And now a word from a Dreadful Domesticated Damsel in Distress and Kooky Kitchen Klutz, Hermione Catastrophe (who thankfully has never been asked to contribute a recipe to the James Bay Beacon Newspaper, but who if asked, would respond as follows)

Dear Friends of Food,

I sincerely appreciate your invitation to join your recipe exchange list. 

Welcome To The Wonders of Whisky

Forget about wine tastings this week. Treat yourself instead to the wonders of whisky instead. In fact, why not mosey on over to Sips Artisan Bistro and enjoy a lovey liquid lunch!

WHERE: SIPS Artisan Bistro, 425 Simcoe Street (in James Bay Square)

WHEN:  Wednesday, October 28 – 12 noon to 2 pm

Hosted by Larry Arnold, Wine and Spirits Product Consultant for Spinnakers, this will be a great opportunity to meet Gerry Tosh, recent recipient of the Whisky Ambassador of the Year award, and a rather fine occasion to tantalize your tastebuds with "Highland Park 12, 15, 18 & 30" as well as the "Famous Grouse" and new "Black Grouse" whisky!

It’s truly amazing what can be done with a bit of barley, water and yeast in a barrel. For those who have trouble tickling their tongue or tastebuds, they can always go to Plan B – tickling their ribs. And what better way to tickle yourself pink than to sip something special, while you get into the spunky spirit of things!

“Always carry a large flagon of whisky in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.” (W.C. Fields)

“May the enemies of Ireland never eat bread nor drink whiskey, but be tormented with itching without benefit of scratching.” (Irish toast)

“Anybody who hates dogs and loves whisky can’t be all bad.” (W.C. Fields)

"I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch." (George Burns)

"Whisky is liquid sunshine." (George Bernard Shaw)

“There are two things a Highlander likes naked, and one of them is malt whisky.”
(Scottish proverb)

"The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to drink whisky. By diligent effort, I learnt to like it." (Sir Winston Churchill)

What Matters Most to You?

While we’re on the subject of life, the universe and everything, exactly what really matters most to you?

If you’re like cartoonist Vimrod’s lovely little mirth-filled munchkin above, the answer’s quite simple, "more treats please"!

"What matters most in life, eh?" Well, the average Canuck male might reply "hockey, donuts and beer". Maybe he’d also add a slab of back bacon for good measure. And did we mention more beer, suds or hops? When all is said and done, "hockey, donuts, and bear" are what matters most to Bob (Rick Moranis) and Doug (Dave Thomas) McKenzie in the lively lunacy of SCTV’s parody of people Canada’s "Great White North".

So, what truly matters the most to folks who live in James Bay? Is it the million dollar Shoal Point condo one calls home …if only the City would curtail the roar of float plane engines and the smell of kerosene fumes, eradicate the diesel fuel fragrance from idling tour buses, and prevent the visiting cruiseships from emitting soot from their smokestacks not to mention errant gulls from dropping their guano on one’s pristine balcony? Is it the newly renovated heritage home that one has poured one’s life savings into and now doubles as a quaint bed and breakfast for tourists (many of whom have not developed a taste for scones with whipped butter and marmalade or can’t abide rubbery crumpets with tea)? Or, is it one’s humble 600 square foot rental suite (with a grand view of the harbour and a noisy neighbor who plays a mean  zither until the wee small hours of the morning).

For those who don’t own a piece of the "hood", maybe what makes their day is a cup of brimming hot fair-traded cappucino in the morning at a java joint (with an extra dollop of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top thank you plus a smile on the face of the server as you hand over $5.00 plus GST). For those who enjoy liquid libations, perhaps it’s a whopping helping of healthy hops, morning malt, (better known as Phillips Oatmeal Stout, a locally-brewed "Breakfast Beer"). And for the faith-minded fitness folk, perhaps it’s communing with nature while jogging through Beacon Hill Park, (provided of course the blessed crows would shut up, the Canada geese would kindly leave their guano elsewhere, and the golfers on the putting green would kindly refrain from yelling "fore" and interrupting your morning meditation).

If you only had 24 hours remaining in your life, where would you be, how would you spend your time, and whose company would you keep?

Would you be here in James Bay? Or, would you spend your time elsewhere…say a place which has no gulls, geese, or galoshes? Perhaps you’d consider a spot you’ve never visited like Toad Suck, Arkansas? On the other hand, if you’re a dedicated a time-travel tourist, why not consider jumping on an Intergalactic Slumpjet Shuttle to the Eastern Rim of the Galaxy to Hawalius (a planet with plenty of oracles, seers, and soothsayers plus oodles of take-away pizza shops).

While you’re mulling over where you’d love to be, think about what you truly want to do? Do you really want to hang on to your fancy schmancy job title and collect your $200 as you pass go today? Or, do you want to cash in your "Get Out of Jail Free" card and do something diffferent? How about swimming with a seal at Fisherman’s Wharf, flying a box kite or paragliding over the ocean waves along Dallas Road, or entering a tiddlywinks tournament at James Bay New Horizons Activity Center?

The next question is, do you want to share fun and food with friends (the ones who laugh at your jokes and also cry with you in your coffee or beer)? Do you want to spend time with family (you know, those who love you unconditionally and put up with your amusing antics)? May you prefer to pass the time of day with your favorite furry critter (who couldn’t give a sweet tweet about your shortcomings and indiscretions as long as it is fed regularly and petted frequently)? Note: There may be a few who prefer solitude or perhaps the quiet companionship of a pet rock, a bed of plastic flowers, or a charming Chia pet, (but they’re rare birds indeed even in an eclectic place like James Bay).

What’s stopping you from taking a few minutes out of your busy schedule, dropping your "to-do" list, and ditching your blessed Blackberry? Why not put your feet up, take a load off your shoulders, and chill out? Don’t you think it’s about time you enjoyed the FUNdamentals of life …like figuring out what makes you tick and what makes your life worth living before it’s too late!