James Bay Puts the Ha Ha in Halloween!

The Spirit of Spooktacular is alive and well in James Bay, (Victoria’s oldest neighborhood), judging from all the weird and wonderful things that greet you at the door these days.

What do you mean the Wicked Witch of the West isn’t welcoming any boisterous bats, giggling ghouls, or pesky pumpkins on Halloween?*!

The moral to this tawdry tale is never tempt fate on All Hallow’s Eve unless you don’t mind being devoured by pesky Pumpkin Eaters.

Frankly, when the Wicked Witch of the West is dangerously undermedicated, clicking her heels together just doesn’t seem to do the trick!

Message to the Neighbors: "We got rid of the bats, the spiders and the kids because our black cat was allergic to them — what more do you want?"

Does James Bay Deserve a Motto or Moniker?

In the wide wide world of pleasant places to live, it’s nice to say that one lives in a not-your-average neck of the woods neighborhood.

Frankly, while we’re on the subject of denizens and dwellings, have you ever wondered who would be happy to hunker down in a ho-hum habitat somewhere? Who would jump for joy at the thought of living in a non-descript nook or a nonchalant niche no one’s ever heard of? And, who would admit to being merry about the idea of residing in a monotonous milquetoast metropolis anyway?

When it comes down to it, how would you describe James Bay? Is it the quintessential quirky, quixotic, and querlous quarter of the city? Or, is it a nomadic, nonconformist and sometimes nutty neighborhood with a petulant pugnacious personality all its own? If neither description fits the bill, then what makes this place and the people here tick?

So, if James Bay had a slogan, a tagline, or a motto/moniker…what might it be?

Well, to answer that question one might ask:

1) What are the attributes of the place? Do they express a particular character, affinity, style or personality of the people who live there?

2) What’s the message one might wish to convey about the place to total strangers? Do the words tell a story in a clever, fun, and memorable way?

3) What distinguishes or differentiates the place from somewhere else? Are the facts or features cited unique or orginal to that place?

4) Are the words used like an ambassador for the place? Would they inspire someone to visit there, live there, or learn more about the place?

Selecting just the right phrase can be a challenge, as can be seen from the following colorful catchphrases adopted by towns with some amusing if not unique attributes:

Austin, Texas – Keep Austin Weird. (Frankly, do they really want to admit they have a large population inhabiting "funny farms", or do they just want to attract all the weirdos, whackos, and wingnuts walking the streets of America looking for a peculiar place to plop down and call their own?)

Blaine, Missourri – The Stool Capital of the World. (This obviously begs the question, do residents there have a passion for discussing fecal matters, adore four-legged furniture without a back, or are they simply friendly-folk willing to join any group for the purpose of reporting back, to the authorities, on its activities?)

Bushnell, South Dakota – It’s Not The End of The Earth, But You Can See It From Here. (Oh joy, that’s probably great news for members of the Flat Earth Society, the Association of Resolute Pessimists, and the Grand Cabal of Able-Bodied Sedentarians but, bad news for the Grand Guardians of the Mystic Cesspool at the end of the Earth, a perfectly placid place that few have ever chosen to visit).

Cordova, Alaska – The Clam Town. (Does that mean everyone hides under a shell and clams up, when heaven forbid, those trinket-seeking tourists drop by?)

Gas, Kansas – Don’t Pass Gas, Stop and Enjoy It. (Does this mean that visitors who accidentally release a flam, a freep, a flutterblast, or a fundusbreak are likely to be arrested? Or, does it mean that the town welcomes frequent farteurs provided they share their fetid fragrances be they colorful calicoes, marvellous mommadaddies and mud-ducks, putrid paradiddles, ripsnorting ruffs, super-duper sliders, sound-barrier breaking skillsaws or other wickedly wayward winds with others?)

Gun Barrell City, Texas – We Shoot Straight With You. (Aren’t you relieved; they could have chosen "We Shoot From The Hip And Ask Questions Later", "If You Want To Shoot Yourself in the Foot, Go Somewhere Else And Do It!", or  "We Don’t Shoot Bull & We Don’t Shoot The Breeze, Now Go Away!"

Hooker, Oklahoma – It’s a location, not a vocation. (It just goes to show that a tiny town with an entertaining euphemism can still have a great sense of humor. It’s also home to the garden club known as the "Happy Hookers", and a spunky sports team with a terrific tagline "Support Your Local Hookers!". Where else would you hear people say with pride, "All my friends are Hookers"?

"Kiester, Minnesota – The Hind End of Minnesota. (Well now, if you’re looking for a politically-correct place with a postive perspective on posteriors, a dazzling array of delightful derrieres or breathtaking buxum buttocks, then this town might tickle you pink. A word of advice however, refrain from fondling fannies, pinching posteriors or touching tooshies unless you want to land on your hindquarters in a horrible hoosgow.)

Noxubee County, Mississippi – Home of the Dancing Rabbit Festival and Magnolia Pilgrimage. (Hmmm…that might warm the cockles of one’s heart, provided of course that one digs flower power and adores footwork by some very funny bunnies.)

New York City, New York – The City That Never Sleeps. (This is a probably a great relief to those who are allergic to alarm clocks and snooze buttons and possibly an important fact to know if you’re an insomniac looking for a welcome wagon serving chocolate-iced low-carb donuts with sprinkles on top, and a hot cup of organic, fair-trade coffee with low-fat whipped cream plus a package of natural cane sugar at 3:00 a.m.)

Roswell, New Mexico – The Aliens Aren’t the Only Reason to Visit. (What a wonderfully warm welcome to parents with kids who are no doubt a tad nervous having read the other huge highway warning signs reading, "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car."

San Andreas, California – It’s Not Our Fault. (Well, the good news is that they didn’t tag the town with the slogan "Fault-Finders Welcome!", "We’re Generous To A Fault", or last but not least, "The Happy Home of No-Fault Insurance & No-Fault Divorce".)

Wairoa, New Zealand – The Way New Zealand Used To Be. (One might wonder if that means the place is wee, off-the-beaten track, economically depressed and full of sheep, or more importantly is it inhabited by bunch of bah bah humbuggers or other if not equally blessedly boring folk?)

Walla Walla, Washington – The City Was So Nice They Named It Twice. (Some might deduce that the contents of the average cerebellum found there leaves a lot to be desired, while others might infer that this is the home of "poetic license" where one can legally drive others crazy, (assuming one has an appetite for alliteration).

So, put on your thinking hats or your dunce caps, whichever you prefer, and do let us know your suggestions for a colorful catchphrase, marvellous moniker or titillating tagline for James Bay, Victoria’s oldest neighborhood.

Jump for Joy…the Joggers are Coming to James Bay!

The 30th Annual Royal Victoria Marathon, one of the top destination marathons in the world, will be held on Sunday, October 11th in the environs of Victoria’s oldest neighborhood (James Bay).

This year the Mile Zero marathon event has been capped at 5,400 participants, although with all the runners, plus family members and friends, the population of James Bay will more than double this weekend. Some runners will be doing the full marathon (42.2 km), others will run the half-marathon (21.1 km), while the younger generation will sport their sneakers and do the Kid’s Run (8km).

Considered one of capital city’s signature sporting events, it is certainly a boon to the hospitality and accommodation industry who are usually booked up a year in advance. The City Engineers not to mention the dig and dump crews plus the flag folks have certainly been working overtime to ensure that the gaping pipeline holes have been filled and that Dallas Road has been restored to its splendor in time for those who are pounding the pavement this weekend.

But for the 11,000 residents of James Bay, it will be a day when getting around will be a challenge. The temporary "No Parking Special Event" signs have already been plastered around the neighborhood. So, whatever you do…if you’re the "Mad Hatter" who’s late for a very important date…just make sure you try and avoid perambulating or putzing about from the crack of dawn on Sunday until 3:00 pm (particularly around the pristine lawns of the Provincial Legislature, not to mention Belleville Street, Menzies, Kingston and Dallas Road of course.

Of course if you’re not really into fitness and have flat feet, you can always show up and join the bonafied Elvis impersonators in the cheering section to help the runners on the last leg of their journey.

Or, you can simply put your feet up at home, become a couch potato, and join a select few like you who share a similar aversion to running:

I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. — Rita Rudner

If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise. — P.Z. Pearce

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. – Anonymous

We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. – Will Rogers

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." – Erma Bombeck

"I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I’m damned if I’m going to use up mine running up and down a street." -- Neil Armstrong

"Jogging is very beneficial. It’s good for your legs and your feet. It’s also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed." – Charles Schulz, "Peanuts"

"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success, although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes." – Don Kardong

"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe, is choosing the left one." – High school coach to his runners

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." – Martin Mull

 

 

 

Food For Thought on Thanksgiving

Image Credit: happythanksgiving at flickr.com

May your stuffing be tasty

May your turkey be plump,

May your potatoes and gravy

Have nary a lump.

May your yams be delicious

And your pies take the prize,

And may your Thanksgiving dinner

Stay off your blessed thighs!

 

Has James Bay Gone To The Dogs?

Illustration Credit: Bill Meyer at flickr.com

1. Canine Casanovas and Pooch Paramours gather from from far and wide for merry mutt meet-ups at the capital region’s largest and most popular off-leash dog park and scenic seaside pathway (which extends from the Mile Zero Marker at Douglas Street and Dallas Road eastward to the tip of Clover Point), thanks to “Citizen Canine” and the fur-friendly folks at City Hall.
2. Fisherman’s Wharf Park is being transformed from a sports field into a nature environment complete with babbling brooks, posh picnic tables and PVC playthings, not to mention oodles of nooks and crannies for man’s best friends to relieve themselves.
3. Some of the best “shaggy dog stories” can be heard in java joints like James Bay Coffee & Books (143 Menzies Street), Ogden Point Café (at the Breakwater), and Shoal Point Moka House (at Fisherman’s Wharf).
4. Shops are opening up in the neighborhood catering to canines such as the new Diamond Dogs (a dogday care and grooming place at 106 Ontario Street) and the refurbished Prime Time Video (#3-230 Menzies Street) which will soon be supplying all manner of pet-food to pooch owners.
5. Everyone knows that the Public Gallery in the Provincial Legislature offers a superb spot to catch a glimpse of British Columbia’s best barking, back-biting and bone-picking exhibition by those who adore "putting on the dog” .
6. If want to avoid "being done up a like a dog’s dinner" on your next night out, you’re bound to find some downright delightful duds at the Community Closet (#11-435 Simcoe Street in James Bay Square).
7. The best place to find the “hair of the dog that bit you” is probably at any of one of the neighborhood’s twelve tippling places and four liquor sales outlets (at the Day’s Inn Cold Beer & Wine Store, the James Bay Inn Cold Beer Store, Spinnaker’s Wine & Beer Shop in James Bay Square, or the BC Liquor Store at Unit 101-225 Menzies Street).
8. Some of the best “dog and pony shows” in town can be found four evenings a week plus Saturdays and Sundays at The Superior Café (106 Superior Street).
9. If you’re “sick as a dog”, you’ve got places to find a remedy, either the Walk-In Medical Clinic (on the upper level of Parliament Mews at Five Corners), or register as a patient with the James Bay Community Project Clinic (547 Michigan Street).
10. And, last but not least, should you think that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or that “there’s no life in the old dog yet”, just drop in to the James Bay New Horizons Activity Centre (234 Menzies Street), where you’ll see some “Hot Dog” folks who can probably run rings around you! 

Ripsnorting Reads Recommended by the Booklouse

Image Credit: Illustration by Baldinger

My fellow insects, 

"The Booklouse" - A published children’s author and former James Bay resident who now works at Russell Books on Fort Street in Victoria, BC

Two Colorful Characters in James Bay

Image Credit: Illustration by Dean Lewis, (from the front cover of Focus magazine, Volume 21, No. 3, December 2008, and insert for the article, "The Inconvenient Truth About Her Axe and His Tax" by Katherine Gordon) 

What would a "Snippets and Snapshots" gallery be without a few colorful characters?

The Legislative Precinct of James Bay has two prominent politicians, Gordon Campbell (Premier of the Province of British Columbia and Leader of the Liberal Party), and  Carol James (Leader of the Opposition and Leader of the New Democratic Party) who are known to frequent the neighborhood every now and then when the affairs of state demand their presence.

Thanks to the artistic hand of Dean Lewis, (a resident of James Bay who delights visitors to the Inner Harbour every summer with their very own caricatures), we now have some rather pithy portraits of these powerful political potentates.

The Frugal Fashionista – Part 1

Where to begin? An appropriate simile at this point would be to tell you that I feel like I am “standing in front of my closet wondering what to wear”. So, is it going to be the $4 black and white striped shirt (thank you "Community Closet") with the $2 long flowing grey silk skirt (another thrift shop item) coupled with the little black cami which I wore to interviews #2 and #3 of the job that I now have, OR is it going to be the $6 black velour stovepipe trousers (courtesy of the "Community Closet") paired with the $11 Liz Claibourne red faux suede shirt (another thrift shop buy) as I go out to meet the day?  

Fellow Insects

Image Credit: Lindedesign at flickr.com

The reason why this column is not called "Bookworms" is as follows:

No single species may properly be called the bookworm because a large number of insects feed upon dry, starchy material or paper amd may damage books.

(The above was extracted from the Encyclopedia.)

Each month I shall be reviewing a couple of books that I think will be of interest to you; if they are not , please do not chew on them in your fury as they will probably taste revolting. Also, a number of the books that I recommend, some of you may well have read, as I shall not necessarily be reviewing NEW books all the time.

If you would like to ask for suggestions in a given genre, please feel free to contact me via the contact form on this website.

Here’s a couple for you to enjoy in the meantime:

The Meaning of Night: A Confession (by Michael Cox)

I love the opening of this book:

‘After killing the red haired man, I took myself off to Quinns for an oyster supper.’

You guessed it, this is a Victorian thriller written in Victorian English. This book is an absolute delight to read and has an excellent plot line as told by a male protagonist (stay with me). This is one of those books where you think you have nailed the plot early on, but there might just be a few twists and turns before you realise that you weren’t quite right. The writing is old fashined enough to be wonderfully descriptive, but not so old fashioned as to be difficult to read or in any way affect your enjoyment of the story. Watch out for the fun historical notes at the bottom of some of the pages, which all end with the letters: Ed (see my final paragraph).

Sadly, Michael Cox died of a rare form of cancer about three months ago, but not before he heard from his publisher that they were going to publish the sequel, The Glass of Time. Let me tell you, there had to be a sequel, you will know what I mean when you finish The Meaning of Night.

The Glass of Time: A Novel (by Michael Cox)

Here is another excellent read, but this time with a female protagonist. It is 22 years later, and again the plot is one of those that seems so simple at the beginning; but just you wait. Whatever you do, be sure to read these in order.

If you are wondering about the late Mr. Cox’s credentials for this type of writing, he was the Editor at Oxford University Press for many years, specializing in Victorian matters, including crime.

Happy chewing till next time,

"The Booklouse" - A published children’s author and former James Bay resident who now works at Russell Books on Fort Street in Victoria, BC

The Problem With James Bay

« Previous Page — Next Page »