In the wide wide world of pleasant places to live, it’s nice to say that one lives in a not-your-average neck of the woods neighborhood.

Frankly, while we’re on the subject of denizens and dwellings, have you ever wondered who would be happy to hunker down in a ho-hum habitat somewhere? Who would jump for joy at the thought of living in a non-descript nook or a nonchalant niche no one’s ever heard of? And, who would admit to being merry about the idea of residing in a monotonous milquetoast metropolis anyway?

When it comes down to it, how would you describe James Bay? Is it the quintessential quirky, quixotic, and querlous quarter of the city? Or, is it a nomadic, nonconformist and sometimes nutty neighborhood with a petulant pugnacious personality all its own? If neither description fits the bill, then what makes this place and the people here tick?

So, if James Bay had a slogan, a tagline, or a motto/moniker…what might it be?

Well, to answer that question one might ask:

1) What are the attributes of the place? Do they express a particular character, affinity, style or personality of the people who live there?

2) What’s the message one might wish to convey about the place to total strangers? Do the words tell a story in a clever, fun, and memorable way?

3) What distinguishes or differentiates the place from somewhere else? Are the facts or features cited unique or orginal to that place?

4) Are the words used like an ambassador for the place? Would they inspire someone to visit there, live there, or learn more about the place?

Selecting just the right phrase can be a challenge, as can be seen from the following colorful catchphrases adopted by towns with some amusing if not unique attributes:

Austin, Texas – Keep Austin Weird. (Frankly, do they really want to admit they have a large population inhabiting "funny farms", or do they just want to attract all the weirdos, whackos, and wingnuts walking the streets of America looking for a peculiar place to plop down and call their own?)

Blaine, Missourri – The Stool Capital of the World. (This obviously begs the question, do residents there have a passion for discussing fecal matters, adore four-legged furniture without a back, or are they simply friendly-folk willing to join any group for the purpose of reporting back, to the authorities, on its activities?)

Bushnell, South Dakota – It’s Not The End of The Earth, But You Can See It From Here. (Oh joy, that’s probably great news for members of the Flat Earth Society, the Association of Resolute Pessimists, and the Grand Cabal of Able-Bodied Sedentarians but, bad news for the Grand Guardians of the Mystic Cesspool at the end of the Earth, a perfectly placid place that few have ever chosen to visit).

Cordova, Alaska – The Clam Town. (Does that mean everyone hides under a shell and clams up, when heaven forbid, those trinket-seeking tourists drop by?)

Gas, Kansas – Don’t Pass Gas, Stop and Enjoy It. (Does this mean that visitors who accidentally release a flam, a freep, a flutterblast, or a fundusbreak are likely to be arrested? Or, does it mean that the town welcomes frequent farteurs provided they share their fetid fragrances be they colorful calicoes, marvellous mommadaddies and mud-ducks, putrid paradiddles, ripsnorting ruffs, super-duper sliders, sound-barrier breaking skillsaws or other wickedly wayward winds with others?)

Gun Barrell City, Texas – We Shoot Straight With You. (Aren’t you relieved; they could have chosen "We Shoot From The Hip And Ask Questions Later", "If You Want To Shoot Yourself in the Foot, Go Somewhere Else And Do It!", or  "We Don’t Shoot Bull & We Don’t Shoot The Breeze, Now Go Away!"

Hooker, Oklahoma – It’s a location, not a vocation. (It just goes to show that a tiny town with an entertaining euphemism can still have a great sense of humor. It’s also home to the garden club known as the "Happy Hookers", and a spunky sports team with a terrific tagline "Support Your Local Hookers!". Where else would you hear people say with pride, "All my friends are Hookers"?

"Kiester, Minnesota – The Hind End of Minnesota. (Well now, if you’re looking for a politically-correct place with a postive perspective on posteriors, a dazzling array of delightful derrieres or breathtaking buxum buttocks, then this town might tickle you pink. A word of advice however, refrain from fondling fannies, pinching posteriors or touching tooshies unless you want to land on your hindquarters in a horrible hoosgow.)

Noxubee County, Mississippi – Home of the Dancing Rabbit Festival and Magnolia Pilgrimage. (Hmmm…that might warm the cockles of one’s heart, provided of course that one digs flower power and adores footwork by some very funny bunnies.)

New York City, New York – The City That Never Sleeps. (This is a probably a great relief to those who are allergic to alarm clocks and snooze buttons and possibly an important fact to know if you’re an insomniac looking for a welcome wagon serving chocolate-iced low-carb donuts with sprinkles on top, and a hot cup of organic, fair-trade coffee with low-fat whipped cream plus a package of natural cane sugar at 3:00 a.m.)

Roswell, New Mexico – The Aliens Aren’t the Only Reason to Visit. (What a wonderfully warm welcome to parents with kids who are no doubt a tad nervous having read the other huge highway warning signs reading, "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car."

San Andreas, California – It’s Not Our Fault. (Well, the good news is that they didn’t tag the town with the slogan "Fault-Finders Welcome!", "We’re Generous To A Fault", or last but not least, "The Happy Home of No-Fault Insurance & No-Fault Divorce".)

Wairoa, New Zealand – The Way New Zealand Used To Be. (One might wonder if that means the place is wee, off-the-beaten track, economically depressed and full of sheep, or more importantly is it inhabited by bunch of bah bah humbuggers or other if not equally blessedly boring folk?)

Walla Walla, Washington – The City Was So Nice They Named It Twice. (Some might deduce that the contents of the average cerebellum found there leaves a lot to be desired, while others might infer that this is the home of "poetic license" where one can legally drive others crazy, (assuming one has an appetite for alliteration).

So, put on your thinking hats or your dunce caps, whichever you prefer, and do let us know your suggestions for a colorful catchphrase, marvellous moniker or titillating tagline for James Bay, Victoria’s oldest neighborhood.

The 30th Annual Royal Victoria Marathon, one of the top destination marathons in the world, will be held on Sunday, October 11th in the environs of Victoria’s oldest neighborhood (James Bay).

This year the Mile Zero marathon event has been capped at 5,400 participants, although with all the runners, plus family members and friends, the population of James Bay will more than double this weekend. Some runners will be doing the full marathon (42.2 km), others will run the half-marathon (21.1 km), while the younger generation will sport their sneakers and do the Kid’s Run (8km).

Considered one of capital city’s signature sporting events, it is certainly a boon to the hospitality and accommodation industry who are usually booked up a year in advance. The City Engineers not to mention the dig and dump crews plus the flag folks have certainly been working overtime to ensure that the gaping pipeline holes have been filled and that Dallas Road has been restored to its splendor in time for those who are pounding the pavement this weekend.

But for the 11,000 residents of James Bay, it will be a day when getting around will be a challenge. The temporary "No Parking Special Event" signs have already been plastered around the neighborhood. So, whatever you do…if you’re the "Mad Hatter" who’s late for a very important date…just make sure you try and avoid perambulating or putzing about from the crack of dawn on Sunday until 3:00 pm (particularly around the pristine lawns of the Provincial Legislature, not to mention Belleville Street, Menzies, Kingston and Dallas Road of course.

Of course if you’re not really into fitness and have flat feet, you can always show up and join the bonafied Elvis impersonators in the cheering section to help the runners on the last leg of their journey.

Or, you can simply put your feet up at home, become a couch potato, and join a select few like you who share a similar aversion to running:

I don’t think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups. — Rita Rudner

If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise. — P.Z. Pearce

Running is an unnatural act, except from enemies and to the bathroom. – Anonymous

We can’t all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. – Will Rogers

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again." – Erma Bombeck

"I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I’m damned if I’m going to use up mine running up and down a street." -- Neil Armstrong

"Jogging is very beneficial. It’s good for your legs and your feet. It’s also very good for the ground. It makes it feel needed." – Charles Schulz, "Peanuts"

"No doubt a brain and some shoes are essential for marathon success, although if it comes down to a choice, pick the shoes. More people finish marathons with no brains than with no shoes." – Don Kardong

"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe, is choosing the left one." – High school coach to his runners

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." – Martin Mull

 

 

 

Illustration Credit: Bill Meyer at flickr.com

1. Canine Casanovas and Pooch Paramours gather from from far and wide for merry mutt meet-ups at the capital region’s largest and most popular off-leash dog park and scenic seaside pathway (which extends from the Mile Zero Marker at Douglas Street and Dallas Road eastward to the tip of Clover Point), thanks to “Citizen Canine” and the fur-friendly folks at City Hall.
2. Fisherman’s Wharf Park is being transformed from a sports field into a nature environment complete with babbling brooks, posh picnic tables and PVC playthings, not to mention oodles of nooks and crannies for man’s best friends to relieve themselves.
3. Some of the best “shaggy dog stories” can be heard in java joints like James Bay Coffee & Books (143 Menzies Street), Ogden Point Café (at the Breakwater), and Shoal Point Moka House (at Fisherman’s Wharf).
4. Shops are opening up in the neighborhood catering to canines such as the new Diamond Dogs (a dogday care and grooming place at 106 Ontario Street) and the refurbished Prime Time Video (#3-230 Menzies Street) which will soon be supplying all manner of pet-food to pooch owners.
5. Everyone knows that the Public Gallery in the Provincial Legislature offers a superb spot to catch a glimpse of British Columbia’s best barking, back-biting and bone-picking exhibition by those who adore "putting on the dog” .
6. If want to avoid "being done up a like a dog’s dinner" on your next night out, you’re bound to find some downright delightful duds at the Community Closet (#11-435 Simcoe Street in James Bay Square).
7. The best place to find the “hair of the dog that bit you” is probably at any of one of the neighborhood’s twelve tippling places and four liquor sales outlets (at the Day’s Inn Cold Beer & Wine Store, the James Bay Inn Cold Beer Store, Spinnaker’s Wine & Beer Shop in James Bay Square, or the BC Liquor Store at Unit 101-225 Menzies Street).
8. Some of the best “dog and pony shows” in town can be found four evenings a week plus Saturdays and Sundays at The Superior Café (106 Superior Street).
9. If you’re “sick as a dog”, you’ve got places to find a remedy, either the Walk-In Medical Clinic (on the upper level of Parliament Mews at Five Corners), or register as a patient with the James Bay Community Project Clinic (547 Michigan Street).
10. And, last but not least, should you think that “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” or that “there’s no life in the old dog yet”, just drop in to the James Bay New Horizons Activity Centre (234 Menzies Street), where you’ll see some “Hot Dog” folks who can probably run rings around you! 

Image Credit: Joe Alterio at flickr.com

Contributed by: The Paltry Fly in the Ointment (a former business consultant and ten-year resident of James Bay)

Although James Bay, the oldest neighborhood in Victoria, may be considered by some to be an eccentric enclave, it possesses not only a soul but also a strong sense of community-mindedness, and a desire to contribute their “two-cents” to any “common cents” debate. 

While we’re on the subject of life, the universe and everything, exactly what really matters most to you?

If you’re like cartoonist Vimrod’s lovely little mirth-filled munchkin above, the answer’s quite simple, "more treats please"!

"What matters most in life, eh?" Well, the average Canuck male might reply "hockey, donuts and beer". Maybe he’d also add a slab of back bacon for good measure. And did we mention more beer, suds or hops? When all is said and done, "hockey, donuts, and bear" are what matters most to Bob (Rick Moranis) and Doug (Dave Thomas) McKenzie in the lively lunacy of SCTV’s parody of people Canada’s "Great White North".

So, what truly matters the most to folks who live in James Bay? Is it the million dollar Shoal Point condo one calls home …if only the City would curtail the roar of float plane engines and the smell of kerosene fumes, eradicate the diesel fuel fragrance from idling tour buses, and prevent the visiting cruiseships from emitting soot from their smokestacks not to mention errant gulls from dropping their guano on one’s pristine balcony? Is it the newly renovated heritage home that one has poured one’s life savings into and now doubles as a quaint bed and breakfast for tourists (many of whom have not developed a taste for scones with whipped butter and marmalade or can’t abide rubbery crumpets with tea)? Or, is it one’s humble 600 square foot rental suite (with a grand view of the harbour and a noisy neighbor who plays a mean  zither until the wee small hours of the morning).

For those who don’t own a piece of the "hood", maybe what makes their day is a cup of brimming hot fair-traded cappucino in the morning at a java joint (with an extra dollop of whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles on top thank you plus a smile on the face of the server as you hand over $5.00 plus GST). For those who enjoy liquid libations, perhaps it’s a whopping helping of healthy hops, morning malt, (better known as Phillips Oatmeal Stout, a locally-brewed "Breakfast Beer"). And for the faith-minded fitness folk, perhaps it’s communing with nature while jogging through Beacon Hill Park, (provided of course the blessed crows would shut up, the Canada geese would kindly leave their guano elsewhere, and the golfers on the putting green would kindly refrain from yelling "fore" and interrupting your morning meditation).

If you only had 24 hours remaining in your life, where would you be, how would you spend your time, and whose company would you keep?

Would you be here in James Bay? Or, would you spend your time elsewhere…say a place which has no gulls, geese, or galoshes? Perhaps you’d consider a spot you’ve never visited like Toad Suck, Arkansas? On the other hand, if you’re a dedicated a time-travel tourist, why not consider jumping on an Intergalactic Slumpjet Shuttle to the Eastern Rim of the Galaxy to Hawalius (a planet with plenty of oracles, seers, and soothsayers plus oodles of take-away pizza shops).

While you’re mulling over where you’d love to be, think about what you truly want to do? Do you really want to hang on to your fancy schmancy job title and collect your $200 as you pass go today? Or, do you want to cash in your "Get Out of Jail Free" card and do something diffferent? How about swimming with a seal at Fisherman’s Wharf, flying a box kite or paragliding over the ocean waves along Dallas Road, or entering a tiddlywinks tournament at James Bay New Horizons Activity Center?

The next question is, do you want to share fun and food with friends (the ones who laugh at your jokes and also cry with you in your coffee or beer)? Do you want to spend time with family (you know, those who love you unconditionally and put up with your amusing antics)? May you prefer to pass the time of day with your favorite furry critter (who couldn’t give a sweet tweet about your shortcomings and indiscretions as long as it is fed regularly and petted frequently)? Note: There may be a few who prefer solitude or perhaps the quiet companionship of a pet rock, a bed of plastic flowers, or a charming Chia pet, (but they’re rare birds indeed even in an eclectic place like James Bay).

What’s stopping you from taking a few minutes out of your busy schedule, dropping your "to-do" list, and ditching your blessed Blackberry? Why not put your feet up, take a load off your shoulders, and chill out? Don’t you think it’s about time you enjoyed the FUNdamentals of life …like figuring out what makes you tick and what makes your life worth living before it’s too late!