This month it’s time for pucker-power people to capitalize on amusing arm candy, curious candy kisses, and oodles of cheeky chocolate chewies…so get rid of that godawful gum, kick up your heels and enjoy yourself for pity’s sake!

ARIES (21 March – 19 April)
Oh yoo hoo…"Ram-a-dama-a-ding", is anyone home? Get with the program will you! Okay, so goats can become a wee bit harsh and nasty if their fragile egos are threatened, are perhaps a tad jealous of other people’s abilities and achievements, and often have friends that don’t last too long. Get over it! Suck it up…cause this month it’s time to dress for success in your knightly armour (or powder puff outfit), jump on a trusty steed (or a Smart car), and find a fair lady/damsel-in-distress worth saving (or a frog worth kissing whatever the case may be).

TAURUS (20 April – 20 May)
The "Year of the Ox" means that you should probably avoid hanging out in china shops hoping to bump into a "Cowabunga Cutie" with disasterous consquences. Just accept with grace the fact that you’re a boring beast with a "bull-headed" nature, which is why you should wake up and smell the roses, put on your rose-colored glasses, crank up the melodious music and play on the back forty with the deer and the antelope!

GEMINI (21 May – 20 June)
Let’s face it, where would you be without your cell phone, two-way talking wrist-watch, or your twitter text messaging Blackberry? Up the creek without a paddle…a fate worse than death, that’s what. The consummate gabbing guru/goddess…you could sweet-talk that sassy serpent out of any apple you wanted. Quit complaining about having to bob for apples…just find someone who’s sweet as apple pie to keep you company on February 14th!

CANCER (21 June – 22 July)
So what if you’re a cranky, crab-faced crustacean with long arms and legs who dribbles food or drinks even when past babyhood. The good news is that you don’t like being in the limelight, enjoy your own company for hours on end, and adore inventing invisible playmates who never give you any grief. All of which means that your best bet for Valentine’s this year is to host a tea party for all your invisible friends, play a game of tiddlywinks, and toss that ridiculous bib…it doesn’t become you!

LEO (23 July – 22 August)
You may be thinking that Valentine’s Day entitles you to the lion’s share of all those dashing dudes or lovely ladies hanging out at your local watering hole. However, you might be well advised to rest, relax, and take a long cat-nap because this year it’s a Cowabunga Cutie who has center stage. Love may be a many-splendored thing, but you should take a pass this year…unless you adore stepping in a whole lot of cowpies!

VIRGO (23 August – 22 September)
Did you know that your Tarot card is "the hermit"? That probably explains why you’ll be spending Valentine’s Day home alone, probably enjoying a bit of platonic flirtation with yourself in the mirror, and leafing through your bedside library to find an informative book on sex because you dearly want to understand the finer details of self-improvement and fertility not to mention the pros and cons of getting involved with anyone who doesn’t appreciate your notion of duty with devotion.

LIBRA (23 September – 22 October)
Although you’re not overly-fond of vigorous sweaty exercises, terrified of being alone, and see yourself as the ugly duckling of the fairy tale, the good news is that your narcissistic, indecisive, and sulky disposition is unlikely to attract admirers, (unless they have deep pockets, good social or business connections and are willing to let you grow into a swan on the long-term installment plan). So, forget about being an "ugly ducking"…be a glow-worm instead and let your lovely light shine!

SCORPIO (23 October – 21 November)
Since Venus is in Aries, it’s time for Spunky Scorpion to strut their stuff rather than waiting for love to knock on your frigging door! In your case, that means taking a break from the rat race, indulging yourself in a bit of self-love, surrounding yourself with creature comforts, and pampering your Pluto self to smithereens! Make sure you stock your goody bag with your favorite melt-in-your-mouth liqueur-flavored chocolates!

SAGITTARIUS (21 November – 22 December)
Okay, so we know that Cupid is your idol. But let’s face it, you haven’t exactly been on target with your bow and arrow lately (especially in the love department). So Tin-Man, frankly it’s time to put your spurs on, get into the saddle again, and jump back up onto your hobby horse! Whatever you do, steer clear of any possessive people, conservative thinkers, and boldless bureaucrats, they will not make your heart go pitty-pat. Don’t forget to smile so your smooch-inclined soul-mate can find you!

CAPRICORN (22 December – 19 January)
The good news is that Venus is in your communications sector and Mars is in Capricorn, your "me" sector. All of which means that you have a winsome way with words (which means you won’t be making the same mistake as last year when you wrote that loopy love letter to that nerdy next-door neighbor). And, since firey Mars is sending up fireworks hailing the fact that there is no "I" in team, you’ll be glad to know that the coast is clear so now you can go out and find a honey-bun…just be careful of the sticky ones!

AQUARIUS (20 January – 18 February)
Okay water-bearer, it’s time to toss your wet-blanket, worry-wart friends and find the love of your life. Venus and Mars, planets more commonly known as cosmic lovers of the zodiac are in sync, thank goodness. All of which means that you’ll have more mad money in your pocket, more self-confidence to slay a dragon or two, and inner peace in your life so you can enjoy the merits of sleep-walking for a change. Now’s the best time to play "spin the bottle"; after all, it’s a great game of chance and a wonderful way to meet pucker-powered people!

PISCES (19 February – 20 March)
Pisces may be a wonderful water sign, but that’s no reason for you to hang out with funny fish all the time. In fact, since Neptune rules your sign, and your sign rules your feet, perhaps you’ll meet your soul mate while walking on water or dancing in a dinghy. On the other hand, if you like swimming, sailing, snorkeling and taking long walks along the beach, you may bump into your bosom buddy when you least expect it! Go for it you ripsnorting rudderless romantic!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WACKIEST WATER-BEARING WUNDERKIN IN THE WORLD!