Seasons Greetings from Saggitarius!

Image Credit: Poison Tart at flickr.com

By Daphne Druthers, a diva of delightful detritus and humorous horoscopes — to fill the urgent need for gleeful greetings in that  heavenly ho-ho-ho holiday time of year!

No doubt some of you are counting down til Christmas, maxing out your credit card, and enjoying lots of ho ho ho and good times.

For the rest of you, it’s just another regular month at the elf factory, feeding the reindeer, and compiling an ever-growing list from everyone and their dog about what they want to see beneath the tree.

It’s definitely devil-may-care December, so let’s see what this merry month has in store for you! Besides, who ever met a Saggitarian Santa Claus who wasn’t shooting himself in the foot, shooting his mouth off at every opportunity, or disappearing faster than a shooting star when the holiday dishes have to be done!

Aries (21 March – 19 April)
The good news is that your favorite colors are red, black and white…which means that you might just get a call from your employer to be Santa Claus this year. The bad news is that your bossy, brash, and bellicose behavior typical of the Ram, will not endear you to other meal-mouthed members of the zodiac who will be at the party. But hey, there’s room enough for everyone at the party, so put on your fire-engine red tights or spandex suit, a flashy white stetson hat, and a pair black boots or stilettos with silver spurs because there’s a new kid coming to town!

Taurus (20 April – 20 May)
Some have called you "pleasingly plump" but that does not qualify you as Santa Claus. The good news is that you’re compact and sturdy, the bad news is that one wants an opinionated stubborn beast of burden to pull Santa’s sleigh and put the reindeer out of work! Just strut your stuff anyway, and take pride in your large or broad feet.

Gemini (21 May – 20 June)
You may be dexterous, nimble and light-footed enough to pull Santa’s sleigh, but let’s face it blabbermouth, your split personality, not to mention your impractical, impatient and irritable traits would drive the other reindeer round the bend! Stick to what you do best, inspecting the quality of products produced by good-natured, vertically-challenged figments of your imagination. Remember, Santa loves your inner imp…so get cracking on the Christmas list!

Cancer (21 June – 22 July)
Though your favorite colors are yellow-orange and indigo, trust me, this month you’re going to have to make friends with red. The good news is that your broad shoulders and broad build mean you’ll look great in a Santa suit. But, moody disposition and inability to handle minor insults probably won’t go down well with those testy little tikes who want to bounce on your knee and pull your white beard for all it’s worth. Your best bet might be to hang out beneath the mistletoe just avoid the frogs and toads or other clinging creatures.

Leo (23 July – 22 August)
Look Leo, everyone knows you’re king of the animal kingdom and love to show off, but Christmas is coming and you’re going to have to shove off. It’s time for Santa to take center stage along with his ripsnorting reindeer, so suck it up and quit sulking! The good news is that with your strong voice, you’ll fit righ in with the choir somewhere. And, when you’re singing "Good King Wencelas" you’ll know that thankfully not every monarch is a pain in the butt!

Virgo (23 August – 22 September)
Some have said that your cranium may seem too big in comparison with your face. Now don’t be upset, it doesn’t mean you have a swelled head…that belongs to Santa Claus this month! Frankly, although you’re witty and charming, knowledgeable, and helpful which means you could easily fill in for Santa while he takes a bathroom break, your scathing criticism of lazybones and layabouts, not to mention your nervous habits and cranky disposition will probably not endear you to the kids, or their parents for that matter. Your shrewd logical thought however makes you an ideal companion at any Christmas party full of spin-doctors and windbags.

Libra (23 September – 22 October)
The fact that you’re cooperative, sincere and charming means you might make an ideal Santa. However, your obsession with your favorite colors – green, purple, and pink not to mention your insistence that they form the basis of your Christmas suit means that you are not destined for a seat on the throne this year. Furthermore your infatuation with elephants instead of reindeer probably wouldn’t endear you to your employer. Stay away from loud arguments, confused situations, and sloppiness…better take a pass on a holiday meal with the family!

Scorpio (23 October – 21 November)
The good news is that your favorite colors are deep red, and blue-green which means you might become the highly decorated chief bottle-washer at your family holiday gathering. While you’re a passionately caring soul with a magnetic personality, your obstinate, moody, if not intolerant qualities would probably not get you in the door at a Santa Claus party. Your best bet might be to hang out with Scrooge or the Grinch this year!

Saggitarius (21 November – 22 December)
Frankly, you’re in luck this month. Any creature that’s half horse and half homo-sapien certainly doesn’t qualify to be Santa Claus! The fact that you’re happy-go-lucky, hold-no-grudges and are hugely optimistic probably means that you still believe in Santa Claus (unlike some members of the zodiac). The bad news is that your ineptness, preachiness, and inability to plan adequately means that organizing your own Christmas party will be a disaster. Your best bet is to dress up like an elf and crash someone’s party…make sure you eat lots of cake with candles on top — it’s your birthday after all!

Capricorn (22 December – 19 January)
Who’da thought a sea-goat who’s as hard-working, realistic, and respectful of authority as you would be the proud owner of devil tarot card? So what tricks will you be up to this Christmas…eating all Santa’s milk and cookies, leaving lumps of coal in kids stockings, or showing up as the Grinch at your workplace party? Avoid Aries, Cancer, and Libra folks, they don’t share your keen interest playing hopscotch, visiting the Museum of Bad Art, or playing chess with the Mad Hatter.

Aquarius (20 January – 18 February)
While you may be the water-carrier of the zodiac, at Christmas time, most folks would prefer that carry a bottle of fine red wine, a dozen beer, or a flask of single malt scotch to their Christmas party and share in a bit of good cheer! Of course being a perverse and eccentric individual, not to mention having a voyeuristic curiosity about people means you’ll fit right in with Scrooge, the Grinch, not to mention those merry-minded, mythical, vertically-challenged creatures better known as ‘elves’. Your violet and light yellow elf outfit means you’ll stand out in this very odd crowd…happy ho ho ho!